Why Most Women Get Disappointed After Discovering The Sex of Their Baby Through Scan, And how to Get Over The Depression.
Some women feel very sad when they find out the gender of their baby, while some feel so disappointed and the disappointment cuts deeper and even turn into depression.
This Phenomenon called “Gender Disappointment” is very common among expectant mothers and we assume gender disappointment is quite hidden experience yet very common in certain cultures.
These are the six (6) reasons :
(1). Self desire
Once you find out you are pregnant, you get so excited not only because you are pregnant but also because your dream boy/girl has arrived without a second thought like “what if…”
But all you ever think of is he is a boy or she is a Girl.you may even start calling him or her by his or her name, and when finally you get to find out the real sex of baby and it’s opposite, you feel so disappointed.
(2). Being in love with a particular gender :
Being In love with one gender all your life hurt too, there might be no reason but you just love and admire little girls/boys anytime you see them and you keep telling yourself, your first child must be a boy or a girl.
You just picture your world with them and finally you get pregnant with the opposite sex, it sucks
(3). Your partner ( husband) :
This one is very rampant especially in most developing countries; where some husbands tell their wives my first child must be a boy, I am the first child in my family and I am the first Son and this pregnancy must be a boy and sadly if it turns out to be a girl, as the wife you will not only be disappointed but also feel useless for not giving him his heart desire and to make him happy.
(4). Same Sex :
This one is for mothers who have children already, maybe they have given birth to the same gender and the really need the opposite sex, when they get pregnant and still find out its the same gender, they’ll be totally down and disappointed or maybe depressed.
(5). Health Problem :
Some women may have health issues and the pregnancy is their last, when its turn out to be the opposite sex of the gender they wished for, that’s when disappointment gets in because they might never have Him or Her.
(6) Old Wives Tale/Chinese Calendar :
This one may sound useless or funny but its the truth, Once a woman is pregnant they’ll start searching online, and they’ll Come across all the tales that Will Predict the gender Of your unborn child.
After pointing out some reason why some women get disappointed after discovering their child’s gender through Scan, let me quickly share my personal experience.
My Own True Life Story
Before I got pregnant, I had been praying and desiring a boy as my first child because I loved little boys, especially the cute ones and as a teacher I have spent time with both gender and I discovered that I preferred boys to girls, and boys were most times the smart ones. So, I had this bond with boys than girls.
Then when I finally got pregnant, I was so excited because I couldn’t think or picture any other thing than my Prince charming, mummy’s boy, not for a second did I ever think of giving birth to a girl because I didn’t picture it or feel It.
But my 24 week ultrasound scan was the saddest and frustrating day of my life, when its turn out the opposite of what i wanted(girl) I was doomed, I cried, i hated everything about the pregnancy.
Below are the steps I took to fight the disappointment. Follow the steps below and you will soon get over the depression:
(1). Acknowledge Your Grief :
It is okay to feel disappointed and/or loss for the baby You wanted, the First thing is to acknowledge your grief and feel that your emotions are validated.
(2)Talk to Someone :
Say it or express it in a way you feel better to do so, talk to your Partner, tell him how you feel and talk to closest friends too, but if you feel that you cannot cope with gender disappointment before or after the birth of your baby, Its good Idea to Seek out the help of a Psychologist, Ideally one that Specializes in Pregnancy and Postnatal Issues.
(3). Bring yourself Back Home :
Permit me to say this, but think about those women who cry every minutes of the day just to have one baby, for some there is NO hope of having a child till they die. Think about those that have only ONE Child who is disable, its not your portion anyway!
(4). Focus on the Health of Your baby:
Ultrasound scan was not made for just to know the gender of a baby but to know how your baby is doing in there, a lot of things can go wrong during pregnancy that is why you are ask to do scan. Focus on those things too, If you are carrying a healthy pregnancy be happy no matter the gender because once You see your baby you will definitely love him/her.
(5). Stop Wishing to be Someone :
Stop saying oh my sister, oh my friends, oh that woman, oh my neighbor; their life, their family is so perfect, you abandon your own life and focus on others just because they have the gender you want. How do you know they are happy with what they have? They may be looking forward to having the sex of the baby you have.
Think on how to make your child/children outstanding and more unique in their own way.
My Friend’s Story:
A very good friend of mine had been married for a couple of years without a child but they where still hoping that one day God will answer their prayers. meanwhile, they were on fertility treatment too.
One day she called me with the good news that she’s Pregnant I was very happy for her.
Shockingly, at 34 weeks my friend gave birth to dead twins (two girls) through cesarean session. she cried, and we all did, because it was a disaster.
But she kept mentioning something like: “It is my fault” I couldn’t ask her at that time why she thinks its her fault.
Few days later she told me that she went for scan at 20 weeks and they told her she’s
having two beautiful girls in there, and the doctor told her how complicated twins pregnancy could be. But the only thing that got into my friend’s head was the gender.
She got disappointed because she wanted the opposite sex and since that day, my friend didn’t care to know the health status of her babies and the worst part of it was that she didn’t talk to anyone about it.
She was pretending to be happy when she was not, and she ended up carrying dead babies from 28 weeks till birth without knowing. She wished to have those babies alive when she saw them, but it was too late.
Where you disappointed when you found out the gender of your baby? Tell us your story.